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Alibi 400 – First Round

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First, for those that didn’t see it, I tweeted the full menu pretty much immediately upon arrival last night. Expect a much better, high resolution version soon to join the 100, 200 and 300 tap list menus to be found elsewhere on this site (search for them, you lazy bastards).

To recap, here’s Page 1, Page 2 and Page 3, but don’t just stare at the goods, read Nigel’s intro as well when I post the full thing. It’ll pull your beer geek heart strings.

I’ve only been there one night (so far), but here are my take-aways. As always, these are my personal opinions, sometimes based on only a few sips. If a beer doesn’t appear here, it’s because I decided to go home before falling over and didn’t try it.

I’ll aim to get back there at least one more time. It might be tonight. It might be tomorrow. It might be both.

Winners

  • Upright Pearwood Smoked Lager: Delicious, smooth and not too smokey.
  • Upright OP Barrel Aged Sour Stout: Complex and slightly sour.
  • Gigantic Petit Quad: Lowering the sugar vs a normal quad allows some of the dryer complexity to shine through.
  • P49 x Steamworks: All-brett IPA: A complex, funky beast. I had it side by side with the Cantillon Gilloise and it won.
  • Yaletown Oud Bruin Custom Blend: This was perfect, and truly makes me think the 2012 must be too sour and the 2013 not sour enough.
  • Ninkasi Imperial Stout: A pretty straight forward imperial stout… you had me at imperial.
  • Central City Simcoe/Amarillo Hopped DIPA: Proof why Gary is the King of DIPAs
  • Cantillon Gilloise Lambic blend: I swear a funk band started playing when I ordered this. Barnyard (in a good way), socks (in a good way), and funky brett (in a good way).

Losers

  • Cantillon Kriek & Gueze — Sure, it’s spelt wrong on the menu, but these are still great Belgians. I’m just not sure I like the kegged version over the bottles, though, so they get a meh from me. Hey, I’m nothing if not controversial.
  • P49 Hay Fever Saison: I’m sure I’ll come to love this beer around April, but right now it’s just not saison-y enough to stand out on this menu.
  • Steamworks SpecTAKular Saison: A cloudy, slightly better version of Hay Fever, but still pretty meh.
  • Tofino Spruce Tip IPA: THIS IS NOT THE SAME BEER WE HAD A YEAR AGO. WHERE IS THE FOREST, DAMNIT!?

Written by chuck

February 19th, 2013 at 1:00 pm

Posted in Beer and You

Tagged with

Alibi 400

with 4 comments

Oh happy day! Today marks the Day One of The Alibi Room’s 400th Tap List Celebration! Am I going? I’m already here! I snuck into the basement last night around 2am. Good luck, finding me, Nigel!

In order to keep all the rest of you up to date, I’ll be updating this post as information rolls in over the course of the day with rumoured beers and the current line status. Updates will likely abruptly stop around 3pm, though, because I’ll be drinking.

Because some folk have asked, here’s the raw details: Doors @4pm (1 hour early), 10oz tasters are $4.00 for all beers. The official celebrations start tonight and go until Thursday, but there will likely be some leftovers for Friday and beyond.

Tonight will focus on not-Imperial Stouts and Barley Wines, so expect lots of sours, IPAs, and other less hangover inducing goodness. Here’s the latest on rare/rumoured beers (big thanks to jantweats):

Update: From Nigel himself: No theme days. Everything goes on as soon as there is a tap to pour it (there are more beers than taps).

  • Cask of Driftwood Singularity(Tues) Update — Horrors! It’s actually OCD despite what the label said!
  • An all brett IPA collab between Steamworks (Tak) and Parallel 49 (Graham)
  • Brewed-to-purpose, home-brew winning English Brown Ale, brewed by Howe Sound
  • Another home brew winning IPA (Super 8-Bit IPA), brewed by Elsyian (Correction: Brewed by Alameda)
  • Three Cantillon sours
  • 2011 Yaletown Oud Bruin
  • Upright bourbon barrel stout (Tues)
  • Cask of GIB’s Barley Wine (only cask of this I’ve heard of) (Tues)Update – From Nigel, No Go
  • North Coast 15th Anniversay Old Rasputin (Tues) >Update – From Nigel, No Go
  • CC Thor’s Hammer (Tues)
  • Phillips Black Jackal
  • All of P49’s latest offerings (Lord of the Hops, From Cascadia/East Van, Hay Fever)
  • Added: Tofino Spruce Tip IPA. Considered (by me) to potentially be the best IPA in the world.

I miss anything? Put ’em in the comments.

And many more. And now for something very special. A picture of the current line! (Again, I will update this throughout the day as changes happen… until 3pm or so). Lineup picts courtesy Craig.

Last Update I’m joining the newly formed line. Check my Twitter (details up there) for the latest.


03:20PM – Craig update: Likely final update? Perrin spotted relaxing in the calm before the storm, when a shambling drifter in a black jacket stumbled up and started warbling conspiracy theories about “cameras everywhere”.

02:50PM – Craig update: Still no line, but a Koo Produce man was spotted delivering ‘vegetables’.

12:45PM: Craig here, Barley Mowat International’s Amateur Photojournalist Extraordinaire. Chuck’s given me the reins, which let’s face it, was a huge mistake for an award winning beer blogger, especially considering his pathetic attempt at humour below. You don’t try to take a swipe at a guy who always carries a camera (and in the process denigrate the musical genius of a generation) and then give him the keys to your public voice, do you? Who knows what he’d do?


02:20PM – Our circling beer drones report no line-up. I’m starting to question everyone’s devotion.

12:38PM: Still just Craig in line, although now he’s watching from across the street, ready to pounce. I’m not sure he knows this isn’t the lineup for Wiggles tickets.


09:57AM – Relax. He’s lined up for Tuesday.[full size]

Written by chuck

February 18th, 2013 at 10:47 am

Posted in Beer and You

Tagged with

This Is Just Sad

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As a beer blogger I wind up on an awful lot of booze and beer related mailing lists. Usually the incoming mails amount to little more than random spam, but sometimes they contain useful or interesting info about new breweries or limited releases. Sure, it’s all in the US, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know about it.

Once in a while, though, they offer a shocking window into the unwashed masses’ view of beer, delivered straight to my inbox. Such was the case last week when I received an email suggesting I do a story about the “Boobzie“: a beer cozy designed to feign breasts. So yeah, I’ll take the suggestion and do a story on this. It just might not be the one they envisioned.

It’s taken me a while to fully digest this product. When I say “digest” I don’t mean to understand what it is or what it does, but rather to fully come to terms with, and accept, its existence in general. I mean, what the fuck? Do we as a society honestly view beer drinkers with the sort of contempt that would be required to manufacture a product as insulting as this one? Clearly we do.

There’s so much wrong here that I can hardly credit my eyes, and the more I dig the worse it gets. So let’s tackle the layers to really, truly appreciate the horror of what lies before our eyes.


I can’t even joke about this. It’s that bad.

1. It’s a beer cozy, and beer cozies shouldn’t exist, period. Cozies imply two things that no right-thinking beer consumer should believe: that beer should be consumed both ice cold and directly from the container.

At no point should you be looking at a bottle or can of beer and be thinking “yeah, I should put this directly to my mouth and imbibe.” This error is only amplified when said container is so cold as to make holding it in your hand sufficiently uncomfortable as to require insulation. And that error is only further amplified by the desire to slap some cheesy insulation on the beer so as to keep it ice cold as long as possible.

The relative proximity of your parents in your family tree required to make the above sequence of events seem not only acceptable but even desirable is so extreme that we cannot rule out the possibility of them actually being the same person. Of course, if this is the case you have no idea what I just said, so let me translate: If you’re drinking your beer ice freaking cold straight from the can or bottle then you, sir, are a fucking idiot.

I don’t care where you are, or that you just hiked eight hours to get to that pristine lake. If you had the strength to carry god damned beer with you, then you can man-up enough to slip in some lightweight cups. They exist and they are not expensive.

They only circumstances in which drinking straight from the bottle is acceptable is when there is literally no other alternative. In those rare situations, please first check to see what the wine drinkers are consuming their beverage from. Are they squeezing fortified grape juice straight from the box into their mouths? All right, then you can drink from the can (or maybe find a better party, jeez). If not, find out where they got their glass from and get one.

This whole “beer can be consumed from the bottle” thing has to freaking stop, and fucking right now.


These. Put your beer in one of these. I don’t care which one.

Now, I only wish this was the most offensive aspect of this product, but alas, it only gets worse from here on out.

2. These aren’t just cozies, they also have background stories! Although, I’m not sure what the point of first naming each neoprene sleeve then writing a couple paragraphs of backstory might be. Perhaps it’s to avoid having to print out “it’s boobs. On a can. Cans. Get it?” for each and every product detail page.

At least the back stories are not just lazy filler. Nope, they also do double duty of being terribly offensive! Can you imagine a woman as being anything but a ditzy, uneducated, sex-crazed girl just looking for the right man? Well these fuckers sure can’t. The “education” section of the back stories contain such hits as “Everything I need to know I learned from baseball… and the magazines I found under my Dad’s bed” and “International male studies.” These are not hand picked isolated examples.

Also, I’m not sure how a headless pair of breasts can either have a favourite food nor espouse their vapid opinions on such. Lastly, for whatever reason, each cozy also has a “Relationship Status” which, you guessed it, is invariably single and very available. This shouldn’t surprise anyone, as dating a neoprene cozy is not very fulfilling (even one injected with gel to simulate breasts).

3. At no point in your life is it ever okay to put comical, cartoon breasts on fucking anything, unless that thing happens to be a comical, cartoon woman. I mean, look at these freaking things, they don’t even have heads for Christ’s sake. You want to talk about objectifying women? How about objectifying them by removing any remotely identifiable feature aside from their breasts, and then using it to adorn your cold can of beer, which you will no doubt consume while watching football and making sexist jokes with your “beer buddies.”

And please, don’t tell me to “calm down” or that “it’s just a joke.” This shit is not fucking okay. We live in a society where men routinely physically and emotionally abuse women on an endemic level. 50% of all women will be abused at some point in their lives, and while I’m certainly no psychoanalyst, objectifying them on a cold crisp can of “magical violence-enabling fluid” might not be the best idea anyone has ever come up with to combat this.

4. At least we can thankfully take some refuge in the knowledge that no one would actually buy a product as inherently offensive as this one, right? Well, um, no. Not even a little. This press release exists because the original “Boobzie” (a product sold at Hooters) was so successful that they spun off a dedicated company to do nothing but dehumanize women and combine them with beer.

I cannot figure out what is more depressing, that clearly the manufacturers of this product believe the vast majority of beer consumers to be the lowest form of quasi-human conceivable, clearly considering women as nothing more than a random collection of sexual organs, or that the manufacturer is probably right.

I need a drink.

Written by chuck

February 15th, 2013 at 2:42 pm

Posted in Beer and You

Tagged with