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Three Sexy Stouts to Woo Someone Special

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Valentine’s is fast approaching, so what kind of beer do you need for the ale-loving significant other in your life? Everyone has their individual preferences, but when I think Valentine’s I think Imperial Stout. Imperials pair perfectly with two other great Valentine’s traditions: chocolate and oysters. Combine those two things with a sneakily high alcohol beer and you have the recipe for a perfect evening.

Sure, you probably don’t need to get people drunk to take off their clothes, but face it: it helps. Let’s just say Spring Break without alcohol is a lot more, er, restrained.


Alcohol free parties: a different kind of fun, but it’s still fun right? RIGHT? Aside: Dogs minus red-eye reduction equals CREEPY.

But how to impress that special someone? You can’t just go grab a bottle of any old stout, pour some cheap vodka in it and call it a day. No siree, you have to find something as special as that certain someone, and I’m not talking short-bus special.

Luckily, there are three stouts available right now in BC that are just a bit different to show that you care and, depending on how much you care, there’s one at every price point. More money equals more love; it’s a good rule of thumb that applies equally well to vacations, diamonds, wine and beer. (All prices courtesy of Legacy Liquor Store)

Up first is Lighthouse Belgian Black. I’ve raved about this beer just recently, and even though it’s now all of five days later I still think it’s a great beer. Sure, it’s not a traditional Imperial Stout, but the Belgian twist gives this guy some sex appeal, and isn’t that what we’re all about here?

Price: $8.15 per 650ml, ABV: 9.0%

Next is Parallel 49 Russian Imperial Stout [review]. Now we’re talking. This is a bourbon barrel-aged, wax dipped, monster of flavour. This inky black guy is not only extremely good, but also a conversation piece. Maybe your V-Day date hasn’t heard of barrel-aged beers or wax-dipping of bottles? Well, now they have, and maybe they’re learning that beer can be romantic, too.

Price: $13.75 per 650ml, ABV: 10.9%

Finally, Brooklyn Black Ops. Go big or go home. Not just bourbon barrel aged, but bourbon barrel aged in barrels that used to hold good bourbon (Woodford Reserve). This is quite possibly one of the best Imperial Stouts ever minted by man. In addition to being just a damned sexy beer in a damned sexy bottle, it’s bottle conditioned with champagne yeast, which means pulling the cork out will give a satisfying “pop” whilst the target of your desire coes appreciably from a fur lined bed in his or her best silk lingerie no-see-ums.

Okay fine, I suck at romantic writing; deal with it. Here, instead just look at a picture of Black Ops being all alluring and mysterious.


I’ll be in my bunk.

Now, before you look at that price and exlaim “for a BEER?! NO WAY!” think about how much you’d spend on a bottle of wine for Valentine’s without hesitation, and now you can feel bad. Sure, it’s marked up quite a bit from the $20 you can buy it for in Brooklyn, but so is that bottle of Californian red in your other hand. Put the grape juice down and man up, is what I’m saying here.

Price: $37.25 per 750ml, ABV 10.5%

Written by chuck

February 12th, 2013 at 3:36 pm