Barley Mowat 

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Going Once, Going Twice, Gone

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You know the stories; you hear about it all the time: tales of rare or forgotten bottles of wine, still covered in dust from decades of storage, being auctioned off for truly astonishing amounts of money. With all the proceeds going to Charity, of course.

Sure, it’s a fiver at a time, but she gets it all eventually.

Even in BC, with our draconian liquor laws, such things were known to happen. Turns out, though, that we were breaking the law the whole time. The Sun has the scoop. TL/DR version: A theatre in Victoria was bitch-slapped by the LDB because they had the nerve to auction off wine for a local charity. But never fear, Rich Coleman is here! No sooner does the article talk about how everything was called off then Uncle Rich parachutes into the scene and starts slinging around words like “outdated liquor policies” and promising to make everything all better. The BC LCLB even decided to throw down a press release detailing the change. Bam! Your government works!

So, I guess we’re done here? Nope. It seems to me that every time something like this happens we craft beer types assume the best and then Capt. Coleman* winds up finding a way to swap out “liquor” for “wine” as soon as we’re not looking, or even in the case of the farm-gate amendment rather pointedly putting in “vineyards and distilleries.” If I’m not being clear here, let me put this in very bold, simple terms: If we don’t jump on this bitch, Uncle Rich will straight up fuck us on this one.

Sure, just as he did with BYOB, he’ll whip out that tone you use when explaining the Real World to a toddler, and try to convince us that beer just isn’t as special as wine, and that no one would ever pay money for it in auctions. Surely having beer at auction would sully the charity’s reputation. Lot 1: Château Haut-Brion 1988, sold to the lady in the blue evening gown for $2,750. Lot 2: A six pack of “Bud Lite,” sold to the… rotund… gentlemen in the stained undershirt for… Four dollars and eighty-six cents. What’s that, sir? Ugh… no… financing is most certainly NOT available.

I mean, that’s the fear right? Beer just isn’t worth as much as wine and won’t sell at auction for any real sum of money. What’s that? $2,368.73? For ONE bottle? One 375 millilitre bottle? Holy shit. That’s like $4750 for 750ml. You could buy a bottle of wine for that!

CAMRA, I’m looking at you, here. Get on this.

* My fact checkers are informing me that Rich Coleman is, in fact, not a Captain. That’s odd, cuz it just sounds so right. Screw ’em, I’m leaving it in.

Written by chuck

November 15th, 2012 at 11:40 am

Posted in Beer and You

Tagged with , ,